Stimming, the 3 Part Series: Positive Stim, Negative Stim, and Stimming ON

Welcome to our 3-part series on stimming: Positive Stim, Negative Stim, and Stimming ON.

What is stimming?

Sitting on a plane always triggers my compassion for the neurodivergent airline experience. Being relegated to a small seat, not moving for hours, hyperfocusing on various novel sensory experiences and trying to keep your brain busy can be challenging! This said, it’s a great place to observe stimming in close quarters. You may see people, trying hard not to chew their nails, jiggling their leg, restlessly getting up and down in their seat or chewing gum with gusto.

Stimming is a great way to manage the body’s need for stimulation! Typically, when we talk about stimming, we mean physical movement to stay engaged. Examples of stimming can include chewing gum, shaking your leg, humming, clicking your pen, tapping your foot or clenching your hands. Many adults with ADHD have found ways to stim without making it known to others, for example, chewing your tongue, clenching your abs or squishing your toes. Children tend to engage in stimming with less thought and less masking. You might see them spinning around in circles, flapping their hands or picking at their skin in public.

Stimming can also be observed in other ways such as daydreaming, spending money and, yes, even masturbation. What if anything that excites your body, calms down your brain and helps you focus could be described as stimming? While there might be some debate about what constitutes stimming, it is a great word to help you explain your need to simply “do something!” in order to engage your brain.

I love 3-part series, as it builds excitement and intrigue! In this series, we will explore positive stim, negative stim and stimming ON others. In true ADHD fashion, let’s start at the end rather than the beginning.

Stimming ON people!!

When we talk about stimming, we are often talking about something that you do with your own body. This can also mean something specific that you play with such as a stimming toy, squish ball or another small object such as a paperclip. There are some people, however, who have gotten into the habit of using other people to stim.

Stimming ON is a novel concept meant to express what happens when you are stimming by using someone else’s body, mind or time. While we talk about this concept with children, we often don’t talk about how adults stim ON other people. If you are stimming ON someone, they are not consenting or wanting to engage in the activity with you. Your ultimate goal is not to engage with another person, it’s about keeping yourself entertained. Examples might include poking someone, making a negative comment, starting a debate, picking a fight, tickling someone, teasing someone, practical jokes, insults, etc.

When you are interacting with someone and it is reciprocal – that is a good thing. Together we are doing something that we both feel is fun. If you are interacting with someone and they want to be interacting with you, this would not be considered a problem.

Generally, when you stim ON someone, that person will respond negatively. They might say “stop it”, “I don’t like that”, “leave me alone” or “go away”. If you are in a position of authority over them or they don’t feel safe openly saying NO, they might simply avoid you, walk away or distance themselves from the situation.

I can remember when bugging people, teasing people, practical jokes or poking people was seen as something that was simply to be accepted. You were not allowed to say no or ask for your personal space. Times have changed! If you are a late diagnosed ADHDer, you may want to consider what habits you have developed to keep your brain entertained. Do these habits improve your relationships or do they create resentment, anger or irritation in others?

Anything that you are doing to manage your ADHD symptoms that involves someone else requires personal reflection. Are others ok with this behavior? Are they consenting? Is this about deepening my relationships or is it simply about managing my boredom? Would I do this to someone that I respect? What feedback am I receiving about my behaviors? Careful with defensiveness- when someone identifies that you are stimming ON them or others, it can be tempting to simply justify your actions rather than reconsidering your goals.

Address your boredom and create ways to manage your need for stim that does not involve other people’s bodies, minds or time. Teach others about the Stimming ON concept. Learning respectful habits to keep your ADHD brain engaged will benefit you throughout your life!

Check back for the next installment of our 3-part series about stimming - coming soon!