Stimming, the 3-Part Series: Negative Stim

Welcome to the third part of our series on stimming!  You made it to the end! Or, more accurately, I made it to the end. Congratulations are in order for both of us! Let’s complete this project and talk about negative stim!

What is negative stim?

Negative stims are actions, behaviors or thoughts that keep your brain busy and/or calm your body but they are not positive for you or for your well-being. Examples include imagining the worse outcome to a situation, negative daydreams, “what if” scenarios, negative comparisons with others, drug use, alcohol use, overspending, overworking or sexual choices.

Negative stim can be unproductive, unhelpful or hurtful to yourself and others. Negative stim can create those dreaded ADHD consequences. When you are engaging in negative stim, you make choices that have the potential to negatively impact your life.

The funny thing about negative stim is that you know you are engaging in negative stim when you are doing it!  You can feel that you are making a poor choice. You know that feeling when you are doing something that your brain and body likes and feels “Ohhh so good” but YOU KNOW that it is bad for you or that it might lead to negative consequences.  For example, I am up all night playing videogames, I feel good at the time, but I KNOW that the next day I will feel terrible.  Another example might be, I am really enjoying getting my To Do list done, but I KNOW that I am neglecting my partner or that I have neglected myself by not scheduling some downtime.  Often when the consequences of negative stimming hit, you are not surprised… in fact, the people closest to you aren’t surprised either.  You can see it coming!

When you are awash with positive stim, making good choices, feeling good, working out, sleeping and eating well, thinking about negative stim isn’t much fun. However, when you are stuck in a negative stim cycle, it seems like negative stim is the only thing that you can think about. You might hear yourself or others say things like: “Och, I am eating horribly these days”, “I am feeling like crap”, “I haven’t worked out or slept enough in weeks”, or “I can’t believe that I did that!”. 

Revenge bedtime is another good example of doing something that you know isn’t great for you but also feels somewhat exciting when you are doing it. When you are doing something to satisfy your brain or your body and YOU KNOW that it is a poor choice and it will likely to lead you farther away from your future happiness, you are likely experiencing negative stim.

Why does negative stim feel easier or even better than positive stim?

Battling negative stim can feel like facing down a mountain lion.  Your brain wants to do it.  Your body wants to do it. You want to make a different choice or do something more productive, more positive, and more in line with your goals; however, that temptation is staring you in the face.    

Good choices often lead to good outcomes but there is often some discomfort that occurs along the way.  For example, I have to get sweaty and uncomfortable before I feel the positive effects of exercise or I have to get up from my comfy chair, have a shower, and pick out an outfit before I can go hang out with my friends.  Alternatively, I can sit here, eat some chocolate or binge watch a show, and feel good right now (even if I might feel uncomfortable later).  Your brain may find negative pathways easier, particularly, when the bad stuff happens later or is delayed.

There is also research indicating that people with ADHD might have nervous systems that are less responsive in certain conditions. This could translate to a lack of arousal in non-stressful situations. This theory suggests that ADHDers might be spending lots of time and effort trying to activate their nervous systems in order to stay engaged with the world.  Negative stim, those choices that are risky or involve doing the “wrong thing”, might feel exciting and, as a result, be  more activating for your body. 

While we don’t know exactly why negative stim might initially feel better than positive stim, there are things that you can do to reduce your use of negative stim!

What can you do about negative stim?

A simple answer is to focus on positive stim instead of negative stim. If you are battling negative stim, use positive stim!  We have talked about positive stim and the productive ways that you can keep your ADHD brain engaged. Physical exercise, chewing gum, talking to a friend, creating a passion project, volunteering in your community, doing an act of kindness, taking care of a pet... there are so many ways to engage in positive stim. Focus on doing something else that you like to do. You can look up Dopamine menus for more ideas.

Create visual reminders of positive stim alternatives. Create a positive stim jar or write some options on  flip chart paper. Set phone reminders. Schedule positive stim with accountability partners like a friend, a trainer, a mentor or a coach to stay on track!  

Your Future Self has needs, goals and wants.  Ask yourself what your Future Self might want and need when you are drifting towards a negative stim choice.  Think about your Future Self!

If you depend on sex, partnered or solo, to manage your need for stim, join our online courses to explore how to tackle negative stim in your sexual choices.

The more positive stim you have in your life, the more positive stim you will likely create.  The more negative stim you engage in, the more negative stim you will likely create.  Adjust the balance to create more positive outcomes for yourself!

For more about positive stim, check out the video on our instagram here!