Where did the evening go? Time blindness does impact your sex life!
It’s been a long day and the evening is here. Finally, there is time to relax! You get home, sort out the pets or the children, eat and turn on the streaming videos. Happily, there is still lots of time to get things done. You blink… look outside and it is dark out. Really, really dark. The clock says 11pm. That can’t be possible… Where did the time go?!?
You count the hours that you have to yourself in a typical evening. “Well…I get off work at 5pm, get home and eat. I am pretty much done by 7pm. I have a full 3 or 4 hours to myself”. Plenty of time to connect with my partner, enjoy some quiet time, listen to music and have some sex. When you do the math, it seems like there is no excuse to have not achieved your goals. The math must be lying… or perhaps, time blindness has gotten you again!
Without a plan, time blindness can steal your evening and the potential for connection and intimacy. The first problem is labelling. “I am off work and it is time to relax”. What does that even mean? Relaxation time is so vague. Does this mean that I watch one show – 30 minutes or 3 shows - 1.5 hours? Does that mean that I sit in the bath with a book - 2 hours? Or, I go to the gym - 1.5 hours? Perhaps it means that I play a board game with my partner and then have a chat - 1.5 hours? What happens when YOU do the math based on the unique variables in your life? Regardless of the plan, there needs to be time to enjoy some intimacy and self-care at the end of each day.
Notice the activities that steal time from your life. We all know how easy it is to lose yourself to the doom scrolling, entertainment streaming and unproductive online activities. You may benefit from having some structure in your “off work hours”, larger blocks of time when you are not rushing and focused on a positive aspect of your life. For example, Mondays it is physical movement, Tuesdays it is learning something new, Wednesdays and Fridays, it is intimacy with a partner. Ensure that you prioritize intimacy in your weekly activities.
Define what “relaxation time” means to you! Visualize yourself doing something positive. Make a list of potential fun activities to help you remember what to do if you are feeling uninspired. Take the time to create visual reminders of intimacy building activities. Write down fun, playful, activities on a piece of paper that you will stick close to your computer screen, television, or on your doors and mirrors. By putting reminders near your screens, you won’t be able to sit and watch a show without also seeing a reminder about the importance of intimacy in your life.
If you have been hijacked by time blindness, you are not alone! As an ADHDer, your brain may not consistently register the passing of time. You blink and time is gone. Taming your time blindness isn’t about being more productive. It isn’t an obligation to build intimacy with a partner or one of those dreaded relationship chores. Managing time blindness helps ensure that you are enjoying your life by adding more fun to your daily activities!
To learn more about time blindness, read this article written by Émilie Duperron, Why Time Feels Different When You Have ADHD: Understanding Time Blindness and the Struggle to Plan Ahead.
In this article, time blindness is explored in more detail so you will know what it is, how it might apply to you, and what to do about it.